SOLITAIRE ATELIER

ZERO

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:08:33 GMT

It's almost 2010!!!

In 2010, I will write in this journal more.

It's really bizarre how fast life passes by when I don't write in it, and how much I forget (which makes it non-existant). I need to log my life; it helps me grow. That's one thing I realized is that in 2009 I didn't grow. If I did, it was in the wrong direction :(

Hopefully I'll grow to become a nice person, a better friend, and a person that I can be proud of.

Also, I miss my online friends.

Now I need to do some prep work for the receiving of the new year!

Which means cleaning my room. The year needs to start in an orderly fashion where my socks are not on the floor.

Toodle-loo.

PS - I killed Satan with my bare hands in my dream last night. I entered his lair and he was sitting on this luxurious two seater couch (or could it fit three?) and he told me he wanted to mummify/freeze me in order to preserve the way that I am, as I am at that moment. To my horror I looked like Bianca in my dream. She was also the one who took me to Satan's house. It was a battle of the ages. Fighting for my life. Felt pretty primal. This also marks my first time fully killing someone in my dreams.

I woke up and I a cup of water and then...

I dreamt that I organized a huge tournament which involved around 50 kindergarten children playing basketball on ice skates on a ice rink. We had a huge audience. The whole experience meant a lot to them, ending ceremony was touching...tear jerking, in fact. I remember thinking...boy, there sure is a lot of mini ice skates.

PPS - I feel like a dickhead for this inconvenience but I made a new journal because I feel like I needed a new plate (also because I went back to read my older entries and I'm a stuck up bitch who whines a lot) so ummm. Add me. If you want. I mean, I'd like to go back into reading about you guys' lives again and if that's cool then I'm sure we'll have another lovely few years together, eh old friends? lovelylatex

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 18:48:10 GMT

Hey friends. My mind is unsettled and and under a lot of distress and that has contributed to me having a stream of nightmares night after night.

The night before last I dreamt that I was a blonde hair blue eyed 12 year old who has been raped repeatedly by this old man in his 50's/60's. He had taken pictures of me and posted them over the internet and people were clicking on them all over. In the dream I was in my bedroom with my sister hanging out and the whole time I wanted to tell her what happened but couldn't, and then the dream would just to a replay of the rape over and over again in my head.

Last night I dreamt that I was at my parents' house. I had woken up in the morning and climbed out the bedroom window and was taking picture of the backyard with my cell phone. There were these large birds that are pelicans but tucan coloured and beautiful foliage. I was focussing on one part of this tree that had beautiful orange leaves right beside a fully blooming cherry blossom tree but couldn't focus in on the right area. Still looking into the screen and moving the camera around until I got the right picture...I focussed in on my sister and she was putting her head into a noose she made out of cords. I watched her hang herself through my camera and then climbed back into my room through the window and shut the curtains from the gruesome view just in time as my mother woke up and walked into the room to wish me good morning. I told her to not open the curtains and went straight into my parents' bedroom and climbed onto the bed to shake my dad awake gently. I told him that Michelle had hung herself and that I haven't told mom and that I don't know what to do and how to deal with it. The dream went on from there and it didn't get any better.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:37:31 GMT

Booked a trip yesterday.
Mexico Cancun in 10 days!
4 star hotel!
All inclusive (food and booze!)
7 nights!
Whitest beach! Bluest water!

Flight, accomodation, food, drinks, shuttle bus, taxes....

$780.

Ohhhh yeah.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 06:05:22 GMT

So I ordered my medical corset today and I am SO. EXCITED.

I've been doing a lot of retail therapy that's been draining my bank account but it's helping in that temporary way that it's kind of worth it. Retail wise I've spent around...$800 in the past week. Holy shit. I really shouldn't have just calculated that out.

So let me tell you about this corset. I chose to do an underbust. It has metal busks on the front and laces in the back. It's going to be made out of white PVC and it's going to have a couple of forceps attached to it. It's also got two buckles at the end of the corset for if I was to attach garter straps for stockings etc.

Here's the best part. I tried on a corset of the same pattern just for sizing and Jenni from Deadly Couture cinched my waist to a fricken 24"!!! IT FELT SO GOOD. IT LOOKS SO GOOD. I CANNOT WAIT. It'll be made in about 5 weeks :3

AND IN 5 WEEKS, I'll be ordering some latex. Ohhhh yeaahhhh.

I'm listening to Ladyhawk right now. They're a Vancouver based band that I've seen live and really liked. Here's their album Shots if you just want to download and give it a listen: http://www.mediafire.com/?zkto5zu4t3y It's good stuff I promise!

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 06:02:01 GMT

I went and tried on one swimsuit today and then proceeded to eat all you can eat curry after out of sadness lol. I will most likely go back and buy it because it was cute and I really want to hang around pools and stuff. I don't know anyone with a pool though. I'll find ways to get near water once I buy it.

And I did something that pretty much guaranteed my ticket to hell. But I can't tell you guys what it is!!! I was going to but it would be TMI and also I'm pretty sure the other person involved would want that info private as well. Kiss and tell, kiss and tell.

The lantern festival 'Illuminares' is tomorrow. Fuck. Yes. It is one of the best festivals in Vancouver, and this year it's going to be amazing because it's the 20th anniversary. Time to visit the Trout House :3

I am still pretty much MIA. I've flaked out on every plan this month (except for one!!! I went dancing with James at the Odyssey!) even with the best of friends. I keep telling myself that I need to get out there and make new friends or stay in touch with old ones and have fun but then I just find myself back in bed, trying to sleep at 6PM.

So Pride is coming up. I get so fucking excited about Pride it's not even funny. At the same time I get a little sad because I feel sort of left out as well.

My short-term goals (like doing the laundry that I haven't touched in a month literally) haven't been reached. The only thing I've done in over three weeks was to get a photo printed and then ordered custom frames for it. That cost me around $300. I'm really letting myself down these days lol. At least right now in this moment I can kind of laugh at myself.

boo.

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 05:37:55 GMT

Hi. This is your resident poo-head who goes MIA all the time now. It's been three weeks of nothingness. I did absolutely nothing other than eat fast food everyday and now that I've finally typed that out, I am disgusted.

I always had to wait until I hit rock bottom to finally up start things again and I guess today's the day hey guys? Yeah I wrote a list at work about all the things I'm going to focus on and I'm really stoked.

I always make lists. They get made, folded and then forgotten most of the time. I have a good feeling about this one however. There is no stoppign me from doing the best that I could this year.

I guess I didn't mention that I went to sign up for college starting September but then was sadly informed that enrollment was full just the day before (for the specific program I wanted to be in). I missed it by one day! I am trying to not act too disappointed. Even though I feel that I am finally ready to go back to school, there has to be a reason that I'm not. That reason being that this year I'm going to really challange myself and do things for myself. I shall learn to love and focus on myself first before I dedicate myself to other things. I think that's what I need to do. That way, when the time comes, I can fully emerse myself in what needs to be done and not lose myself on the way.

Sounds good I think.

I have also developed an obsession with latex clothing lolollolololol.
And girdles.

Okay I'm going to start on that list.

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 06:08:45 GMT

I thought things were looking up but suddenly I found myself in the deep-end. I'm so sad some days I could barely breathe. I feel like I'm going mad. I wish I knew how to disappear.

276

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 07:47:49 GMT

Hello! I am not dead, please don't remove me, I love you all.
I don't know where I am these days! I will do a proper update later.

275

Mon, 04 May 2009 07:45:31 GMT

So I've started longboarding with the longboard my manager Jacob gave me. The thing is so slow and veers off to one side that I want to grab a new board. Of course I'm still lusting after Landyachtz's DH Race. I have been for a few years now to be honest. There are other amazing boards out there like Rayne's Hellcat. But the DH Race will be mine. The board I have now is alright. Does the job. It's got some nice old stickers of pinup girls on the bottom. I love how Jacob gave it to me <3

There's that, and also my co-workers Sam and Kori and I are going to start roller skating and train hard so we can try out for roller derby and join our city's roller derby league, the Terminal City Roller Girls. Sam gave me a pair of old skates with pink wheels.

So really, my co-workers gave me a long board and a pair of skates. Who is that lucky?! I'm going to shop for some protective gears this week so I can reaaally get into it.

So that's exciting.

I gained 5 lbs. Lame.

274

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 08:21:18 GMT

I wish I looked like Kim Kardashian hahahahahahah..................D:

273

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 07:47:04 GMT

R.I.P. POITRINE T____T

272

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 07:15:22 GMT

269

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 01:29:18 GMT

Fucking lame.

264

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 05:07:30 GMT

I am really happy right now!!! Just really happy and for no reason. I'm just happy :)

And I dread when the happiness all ends.

I took a shower and the water was the perfect temperature! I forgot to put conditioner in my hair and I forgot to shave but it's all okay!!!

My laundry is in the dryer right now :) I just went to get all my laundry in the washer and transfered them to the dryer and I found my keys and tons of five dollar bills in the washer! Awesome!

My apartment does not smell like something died inside!!!

Outside smells delicious and new!

263

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 03:50:36 GMT

I keep disappearing! But I just HAD to tell you guys something.

Last night I had a dream with Britney Spears in it.
I woke up all inspired by her.
I went straight to my computer to download her latest album Circus.
Played about 3 songs before I realized just what the hell I was doing and how it made no sense what's-so-ever.

Paul and I aren't really talking or seeing each other because he went and got ridiculously drunk and I'm not cool with being with an alcoholic. I landed him an art show though, it's in March and it's formal!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!! It's at the Chapel Arts gallery, a gallery that he's been wanting to show at for a while now. We're going to go to the event dressed to the nines...

261

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:49:43 GMT

I feel so bad.
Low point.
Rock bottom.

257

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:34:11 GMT

It's close to Christmas and I haven't even started thinking about presents! At work yesterday, Kori let slide a, "I know what you're getting from Paul for Christmas!" O_________O Wtf I have to get people things? Mike says it's a definate yes. For Paul's birthday Kori and I just made him cookies, but I guess we weren't for sure at the time.

To tie in with the holiday warm fuzzyness I put on some nostalgic Best of KAT-TUN album. Hahahahah oh man some good times with this album.

I woke up early at 5AM and now I'm going to take a shower, walk to Futureshop to see if I can buy a headphone adapter for my cell phone and then go to work :)

254

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:06:00 GMT

Hah! At least Matt misses me :)

Anyways, Japan was great. More than great. I loved it.
Spent all my money and a bit more. Now I really have $0.

I'm back at work now. Things at work totally changed because the Health Board has been coming down to the shop regularly to change some things. All of our methods and the way the shop works is totally fine, but they are fine-tuning some things so that every shop can be consistent so I feel like a new employee trying to re-learn some things.

New photo:

Believe it or not this is just a little nook in between two huge modern skyscrapers. Really out of place in that district.

253

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 04:05:31 GMT

Too busy doing nothing these days.
Never home.

Yesterday I did three microdermal implants on Kori's forehead.
This was taken about 20 minutes after on my phone:

And I probably won't be on here again until I'm in Japan.
So much to do, so little time.

252

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 01:23:51 GMT

What the fuck am I doing.
I'm such an unhealthy four.

Human waste Human waste Human waste

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 04:06:44 GMT

So I dyed my hair pink and I keep forgetting that my hair is pink. I walk around thinking that I'm still blonde.

I was putting away the signs when I was closing the shop tonight when this passerby was like, "Hey, nice wig."

IT'S NOT A WIG. Jerk.

The pink is a little too dark/bright/highlighter/neon for me but it turns out pretty accurate to what I want in photos.

232

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 11:54:41 GMT

Kazoku makse me vomit and NoGod makes me cream my pants.
Yeah I'm still working on my cover letter.
No progress in the last 10 hours lol.

228

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 01:05:12 GMT

For Today:

- ~~Get hair cut~~
- ~~Apply for Admission to Langara College~~
- Write cover-letter for volunteer position
- Re-write biography for staff page

226

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 21:52:26 GMT

Why does every fucking visit to Delta cause me this much grief.

225

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 04:30:53 GMT

My conches are completely healed and my single-flared Anatometal 0g bling eyelets came in yesterday! Even with my super nice staff discount, I still paid $140 for the pair.